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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23706073">before &amp; after</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/YourPalYourBuddy/pseuds/YourPalYourBuddy'>YourPalYourBuddy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Check Please! (Webcomic)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Friends With Benefits, M/M, One Shot</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 20:01:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,610</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23706073</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/YourPalYourBuddy/pseuds/YourPalYourBuddy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p><i>They are in the After, and Nursey’s the one who says it. They’re in bed and he says it with his mouth on Dex’s shoulder right over that one mole he always wants to kiss.</i><br/><i>“Do you think we ever get this right? Like, soft, I mean.”</i><br/><i>Dex says, “How d’you mean?” He says it carefully though. Like he wants to know the answer, but he doesn’t want to hear it. Or maybe he just doesn’t want to hear it from Nursey.</i><br/>__________________</p><p>NurseyDex based off a tumblr prompt: “You were supposed to be my friend. That’s all…that’s all I asked of you. To be my friend. To care.” Starts angsty, ends happy :)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Derek "Nursey" Nurse/William "Dex" Poindexter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>177</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>before &amp; after</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/pertainstothesea/gifts">pertainstothesea</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>
  <a href="https://ivecarvedawoodenheart.tumblr.com/post/615347981486587904/prompt-list-5">Here's the prompt list :)</a>
</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>________________________</p><p> </p><p>They are in the After, and Nursey’s the one who says it. They’re in bed and he says it with his mouth on Dex’s shoulder right over that one mole he always wants to kiss.</p><p>“Do you think we ever get this right? Like, soft, I mean.”</p><p>Dex says, “How d’you mean?” He says it carefully though. Like he wants to know the answer, but he doesn’t want to hear it. Or maybe he just doesn’t want to hear it from Nursey.</p><p>“I mean,” Nursey says, leaning back enough to look in Dex’s golden eyes, “will there be a time we do this on purpose. Slowly, like we’re not doing it just to get it out of our systems, or because Hall made us do a drill we kept getting wrong, or because we didn’t hookup with someone else during a kegster. Not like we’re kissing to bruise or to leave marks or to steal your breath away because anything else is too big a statement.”</p><p>Dex closed his eyes about halfway through his speech. Nursey knows this face: Dex is bracing to say something he thinks is going crush Nursey’s feelings, and he doesn’t want to see it happen. It’s an infuriating expression. If Nursey’s going to hurt, he wants Dex to own it. </p><p>“Nurse,” Dex says, and Nursey changes his mind, he’d give everything to stop him from saying whatever he’s about to say. His name is so tender and careful and apologetic in Dex’s voice. If Nursey stops him, maybe they could stay here. Maybe Dex wouldn’t have to break his heart. </p><p>Nursey says, “Dex,” and now Dex opens his eyes. There’s a shadow of pain hiding in the shadow of his nose. Nursey doesn’t know what to do with that. </p><p>____________</p><p> </p><p>In the Before it’s like this:</p><p>Dex’s stupid face and his stupid ears and too many freckles and <em> shut the fuck up, Nurse, can you stop saying ‘chill’ for one fucking afternoon </em> and arguing over mistimed passes and talks from Bitty and Jack and Ransom and Holster before sitting on the roof with Shitty, high and getting higher, complaining about everything, how Dex never calms down and it grates on his nerves, Shitty nodding and sighing in the right spots and saying <em> that’s rough brah, I’m sorry </em>and then, after they finish the blunt and are watching the sky fill with stars and Nursey’s thinking about going home, realizing what it is.</p><p>“Fuck,” he says. “I think I like him.”</p><p>Shitty says, “Hold the fuckin’ phone,” and then it’s <em> even when he’s yelling I think it’s hot what the fuck is wrong with me, Shitty, am I really that fucked up </em>and they’re climbing back in the window, quiet as they can when everything inside Nursey is so loud, Shitty trying to string together words like “homoerotic antagonism” and “hate fuck maybe” and then, stopping short, “team dynamic.”</p><p>Nursey tells him he’s good at keeping shit to himself. Shitty doesn’t say so, but Nursey can tell he doesn’t believe him. </p><p>Shitty says, “It’s late as shit. You crashing here? You can have my room.”</p><p>“Where’re you gonna sleep?”</p><p>Shitty shrugs. “With Jack probably. Brah understands that sometimes you gotta cuddle your brahs.”</p><p>Nursey crashes. He dreams about sitting on the reading room with Dex, listening to him point out the constellations.</p><p>He practices passing with Holster. He hangs out in the kitchen while Bitty bakes. He writes too many poems about the swoop in Dex’s hair. He gets through the season.</p><p>And then it’s their home opener and they can’t get their shit together on the ice and someone scores when they should’ve stopped it and they lose, and not even Ransom and Holster can pull a party out of a mess like that. No one says anything as they head back to the Haus. It was supposed to be a blowout, and now Chowder’s sobbing in his room upstairs. Nursey and Dex had gone up after him. He’d shut the door.</p><p>They’re coming down the steps and Nursey says, “I can’t stand you.”</p><p>“Fuck you,” Dex mutters. It’s less furious than usual. </p><p>Which is why Nursey says, “Okay,” and Dex stops. Nursey runs into his back. Dex steadies him without seeming to notice.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>Nursey shrugs, arms crossed. His mouth is suddenly dry. “Let’s just do it. Just get it all out. Something needs to change between us, right? Why shouldn’t this be it?”</p><p>Dex’s face goes a weird white person mix of purple and red that could mean anything from embarrassed to offended to reluctantly turned on. He doesn’t think Dex is going to respond when Dex says, “Okay.”</p><p>He blinks. “Really?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Dex says. He frowns. “Did you not actually want to, or something?”</p><p>“No I do, I’m just,” Nursey says, “surprised? I didn’t think you’d want to.”</p><p>Dex appraises him, still frowning. “I don’t want to be pissed off at you all the time,” he says. “And — I’m curious.”</p><p>Nursey feels like he’s ten thousand feet off the ground. No air. “You’ve seen me naked.”</p><p>Dex raises his eyebrows. “Not what I meant.”</p><p>They go to Dex’s place because it’s closer and cleaner and Nursey takes his time learning him, all the constellations on his body, and Dex feels so, so good under his hands, and Nursey still sort of hates him but he likes him more and more with every noise Dex makes, every noise Dex makes <em> him </em> make, every second he’s allowed to touch him like this. </p><p>He breathes easier when they’ve finished. Dex says, breathless, “Yeah. Curious about that.”</p><p>They set rules after the third time. No one on the team knows to avoid the chirping and the fines. No getting in the way of someone scoring at a kegster, but if no one does, they can continue the party somewhere else. Hotels during roadies are safe if they’re quiet and don’t stay up late. </p><p>Over time they argue less. Over time, their passes connect on the ice, and they spend time off it just — talking, just being around each other when they’re not playing or hooking up or vulturing Bitty’s pies. It’s strange growing a friendship out of a hookup born of mutual annoyance. Even stranger when Nursey finds his crush growing and overflowing, like all his feelings have spilled out of his body. </p><p>He wakes up one morning to a text from Dex that says <em> We’re friends right? Like. Underneath everything, you don’t hate me? </em></p><p>He thinks maybe friends don’t sleep with each other, that maybe they’re more than friends and have been for awhile. That’s not what Dex needs though, so he pushes the thought down.</p><p>He sends back, <em> Yeah, Dex. We’re friends. </em> </p><p>____________</p><p> </p><p>All at once he’s back in the After, saying, “Forget I said it, okay?” His lips try for a smile. It hurts his mouth. Dex starts to speak and Nursey shakes his head, saying, “No, it’s stupid. We both know what this is. I didn’t mean to — to make this something it isn’t. I’m sorry.”</p><p>“What is this, then,” Dex says. It comes out something close to a whisper.</p><p>Nursey waves his hand helplessly. “It’s like — casually hooking up, isn’t it? Or. Right?”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>He’s never heard so much resignation in one sound. Dex taps him until Nursey sits up, pulling a blanket over his shoulders because he knows Dex likes his room cold enough to whisper goosebumps up and down his arms because he’s from fucking Maine and has no valid sense of temperature. </p><p>Dex loosely holds a pillow in his lap. For the first time Nursey’s ever known him, his face is blank.</p><p>“Dex, what—”</p><p>“Is that all this is?” His eyes are flat. “I thought you wanted something more than that.”</p><p>Nursey says, “I didn’t think,” and he’s about to continue when Dex sighs.</p><p>“You’re supposed to be my friend,” Dex says. He says <em> friend </em> like he wants to say something else. “That’s — that’s all I asked of you after we started this. To be my friend. To care. I thought you wanted more than casually hooking up, you <em> just said you did, </em> so which is it? More or less of me?”</p><p>He’d misread him earlier, he must have. Dex must’ve closed his eyes so he wouldn’t hurt himself on whatever he’d seen on Nursey’s face, must’ve needed to brace himself against Nursey turning him down or being similarly hurt. Nursey thought he’d gotten better reading him. He takes a deep, deep breath.</p><p>“I want as much of you as I can have,” he says simply. </p><p>It does something wonderful to Dex’s face. His lips part like he’s waking from a dream, or falling into one that’s even more beautiful than he could’ve imagined. “Really?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Nursey says. It’s even easier to say this than he thought it would be; there’s a light shimmering in Dex’s impossible eyes. “Is that okay?”</p><p>“It’s more than I thought I’d get,” Dex says, and he laughs slightly. The sound makes something quietly happy trip up Nursey’s back.</p><p>He says, “Let me give you more than that.”</p><p>“Oh yeah?” Dex traces a shape on Nursey’s thigh, smiling at him. “Like what?”</p><p>“Like this,” Nursey says, and kisses him.</p><p>It tastes like something between an apology for waiting so long and a promise to get it right, and to get it right again, for as long as he can. It tastes like a forever kind of kiss. Dex frames his face with his hands and kisses him back like he can’t believe this is happening and wants it to keep happening for as long as possible. Nursey knows how he feels.</p><p>________________________</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading!! Pls lemme know what you thought in the comments below, or <a href="https://ivecarvedawoodenheart.tumblr.com/">come find me on tumblr :)</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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